We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
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