You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
Randomize
