I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
Randomize
