Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
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