I puked a lego.
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
