Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
Randomize
