perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
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