you told grandpa to call you daddy
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
Randomize
