Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
is this the sara with the beer cane?
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
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