A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
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