I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
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