And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
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