We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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