By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
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His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
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It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
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