She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
He told me they were just razor bumps!
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
Randomize
