Kroger has a sale on economy packs of some ridic brand of condom with a smiley devil heart on it $4.99 for 24
Sounds like a baby waitign to happen
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
Randomize
