I feel great
I just peed on a car
she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
Randomize
