i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
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