i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
i think my cat just said my name.
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
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