I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
I'm way too hungover for life right now
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
Randomize
