So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
Randomize
