you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
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I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
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Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week