I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO