sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
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Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
What changed your mind?
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
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I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up