My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
they need to just BURY HIM!
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off