i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.