Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(610): View more from Pennsylvania

Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!

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(610): Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!! http://tfl.nu/obvl

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(951): View more from California

I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.

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(951): I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him. http://tfl.nu/aa9y

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(415): View more from California

He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.

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(415): He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal. http://tfl.nu/3jar

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(202): View more from Washington, DC

I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.

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(202): I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request. http://tfl.nu/ivj5

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(248): View more from Michigan

sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.

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(248): sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us. http://tfl.nu/2qw1

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(413): View more from Massachusetts

I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face

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(413): I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face http://tfl.nu/hkq0

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(734): View more from Michigan

Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.

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(734): Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props. http://tfl.nu/gfig

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(847): View more from Illinois

The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.

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(847): The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume. http://tfl.nu/g5bo

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(+04): View more from

She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.

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(+04): She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf. http://tfl.nu/hr1t

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(717): View more from Pennsylvania

I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012

(1-717): View more from Pennsylvania

That's thinking positively..

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(717): I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012 (1-717): That's thinking positively.. http://tfl.nu/r4se

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(561): View more from Florida

I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.

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(561): I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers. http://tfl.nu/3qln

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(301): View more from Maryland

Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.

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(301): Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level. http://tfl.nu/wvpb

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(816): View more from Missouri

If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.

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(816): If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide. http://tfl.nu/28e3

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(+44): View more from United Kingdom

This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.

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(+44): This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner. http://tfl.nu/2gdm

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(937): View more from Ohio

Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.

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(937): Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level. http://tfl.nu/b08m

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