Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.