Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
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