I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
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