he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
Randomize
