I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
Randomize
