Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
my penis made a compromise with my morals
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