can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
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