i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
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