I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
Randomize
