i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
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