You smell like stripper and shame
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
