I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize
