I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
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