I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
Randomize
