New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
He passed out mid-signature
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Randomize
