Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
Randomize
