Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
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