i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
This beer is not sobering me up at all
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
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