I want to have your abortion
seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
Randomize
