we're blogging at a bar
if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
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