i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
Randomize