Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
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