I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
Randomize