No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
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