I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
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