I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
Randomize
