I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
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I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
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So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
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