I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
Randomize
