It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
Randomize
