Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
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