Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
Randomize
