Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
They have beer where we have blood.
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Randomize
