Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
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