Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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