I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
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