I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
