come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
Randomize
