i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
Randomize
