It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
Never let your siblings swipe right.
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
