# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
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