when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
