Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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