When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
Randomize
