Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
Actions speak louder than pants.
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
Randomize
